> last updated: 09/18/2026

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hi i'm mika. if you didn't already know that. it would be kind of weird if you didn't know my name by now. unless you haven't read anything on this website. which is probably for the better anyway. more power to you.

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about?.. about what? me?

as the owner of this website, it is my only mission to shove as much personal slop onto this page as possible in order to avoid a situation in which someone would actually have to interact with me and ask me questions about myself. in an ideal world, if a person right now asked me a pointless redundant question to learn more information about me; i would first ask if they were a police officer -- and then i'd probably link them this page so they'd shut up.

i have a weird obsession with categorizing things, especially myself. and when people ask me some lame shit like what my favorite movie is -- my brain instantly defaults into "listing mode". ie; i have to assign myself to a predisposed category based on what a certain person's preferences are.

if i'm talking to a complete idiot who loves alvin and the chipmunks (2007)... i'm not going to tell them that my favorite movie is alvin and the chipmunks: the squeakual (2009). that will only cause conflict. alvin and the chipmunks is no laughing matter. so instead i have to lie and say my favorite movie is grandma's boy (2006). which is kind of true. it's like my second favorite movie i think. i'm not sure. you should totally watch it though.

either way. i don't like talking about trivial stuff like my favorite movie anyways. if you ask me that question you suck. i mean it! you should already know that information about me via telepathic assumption. reading my online ramblings should give you all of the information you actually need about me instead of asking me the same questions i get asked by every person i ever meet ever.

in fact, by reading this very blurb you've learned a few key things about me as a person.

for starters; i like anteaters. perhaps they're my favorite animal (this is true). you can deduce this by looking at the anteater ascii art on this page.

secondly; my name is mika.

next; i don't enjoy when people ask me mundane personality-seeking questions because i'm too socially inept for small talk and will end up lying to people-please instead.

and finally; my favorite movie is alvin and the chipmunks: the squeaqual (2009).

that wasn't so hard -- was it? it's called evidence-based reasoning! you should try it!

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actually about me for real this time

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my name is mika. i'm a boy. i am 19 years old. i am 5'4 (162.5 cm) and a gemini (my birthday is 05/25). my myers briggs type is infp; and my enneagram is 9w8. my chinese zodiac is pig. i have no clue what any of that stuff really means, but if you want to psychoanalyze me base on it -- go ahead.

my favorite color is orange. my favorite animal is an anteater (particularly the giant anteater). i prefer dogs over cats although i love both a fair amount. my favorite food is grilled cheese. i prefer cities to the countryside. my favorite subject back in school was debate. my favorite drink is dr pepper.

i can speak english, i am semi fluent in japanese (currently studying), i've just begun studying dutch, and i understand a bit of russian (though i am very rusty). i live with a roommate & my boyfriend of 2 years in a small apartment. i get paid to wear a rat suit and dance. i also double as a skilled arcade machine repairman. that's the extent of my real life that i'm willing to give.

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